As I was cleaning out old texts on my phone today (for the new year!), I came across a section of texts that I had locked so I wouldn’t accidently delete them, and I realized something. Many people lock texts with important information, or that are meaningful, etc, etc. However, all of the texts I have saved were because they made me laugh. So I just thought I would share some of my favorites:
“I shafted Mr. Latin, because he almost killed us sailing. Really. And some other latin guy asked me out through a window today. They’re just too much for me to handle.”
-Natalie Canfield. If you don't know her, you should because she has the best dating stories ever.
“I’m in Provo. And I peed on their campus. The end.”
“So I sneezed today and my eye exploded again…”
- Taken from my vast Kallie Johnson/Hillam Collection
“Uhh did you know unicorns can walk on rainbows? Because according to Dora the Explorer they are the only things that can. I need to get me a unicorn asap.”
-Allie Vincent. A.K.A. Allie my wife. (She used to be a nanny)
“I am sorry you have been crying…You aren’t pregnant dear.”
-Ali my husband. He has learned that when my hormonal-birth-control-induce-no-reason-crying happens I always have a fear that I am prego. So sweet...he's always reassuring me.
Then there are always good ones from the sisters:
“Hello?! Why didn’t you save us a spot at the parade?? We had to stand behind 3 rows of people on the middle of a melted snow cone!”
-Elly (This was after a Days of ’47 Parade)
“OH MY HECK BIRTH CONTROL HAS GIVEN ME HIDEOUS VEINS IN MY WONDERFUL LEGS!!!”
…and last but not least, my favorite one from Kassidy. This was a while a go when she was dating some guy (not her husband) who looked like Shrek when he turns into a human in the movie. I told her to write to Dear Abby for advice on their …problem…so she just wrote me a super long text:
“Dear Abby, I am a semi-attractive female in my early 20’s. I was raised in a shallow family with unrealistically high expectations for boys I date. I am currently seeing ‘Dave’ a tall, witty grad student who resembles a cartoon. But I have a problem with the way he dresses. ‘Dave’ has a terrible pant-shoe connection. It looks like he grew out of his pants 2 years ago. I am sometimes embarrassed to go out in public with him. Abby, how do I tell him he needs new pants without offending him? Sincerely, Shallow in SLC.”
Maybe these are only amusing to me...if that's the case, sorry for wasting your time. Happy New Years!